Ricky Loves Lulu

5 Years!

2011-02-24T20:46:00.001-07:00

I love this man, a whole freaking lot.

We celebrated our 5th anniversary on February 18th. I told him I would marry him again in a heartbeat.

The boys got huge hugs from me Friday morning when we woke up. I told them that the day we became a family was the best day of my life.

I am so grateful that God has blessed me with such an amazing family.

Sickly

2011-02-17T08:58:00.001-07:00

This month has been fuuuuuuuull of sickness. Honestly, I don't know why we've been so sick lately. A 24 hour stomach bug, mystery fevers and body aches, and the flu.

Both of the boys had the flu this last week. The one year that I don't get them a flu shot, they get hit. Hard. Austin especially. I was so, so, so worried when his fever spiked to 104.6. An after hours call to the doctors office, a dose of Motrin, and he was on his way to feeling a little bit better.

Thankfully, 6 days after the first symptoms appeared, he is finally feeling better.

Now my stress level can finally go down!

Oh, January

2011-01-25T13:19:00.001-07:00

This month always gets to me. It's new and exciting.

It's busy and disappointing.

Round and round.

It's so full of birthdays that I can't keep up. I have four belated birthday cards and gifts that I have yet to mail. Procrastinator.

I want to hole up and read and drink coffee.

And skip jury duty tomorrow.

2010 In Pictures

2011-01-05T14:27:00.002-07:00

I Like It

2011-01-04T12:50:00.003-07:00

I hate to admit it, but I love this song.

It's Time

2011-01-03T21:54:00.003-07:00

Happy New Year!

It's been too long since I've blogged!

Life is finally starting to settle down. Work is going well, the holidays were wonderful (and tiring)...life is good. I can honestly say that I'm happy and content.

I'm looking forward to seeing what 2011 will bring. Hopefully lots of changes, good changes. I'll keep you all posted!

I'm Going On Break

2010-09-01T21:05:00.002-06:00

Well, life is getting the best of me.

Forty-plus hours of child care, crammed into 4 days a week...on top of being a wife and mother, means that I have very little time, or energy, to blog.

I'm going on break. I'll be back, soon.

Poke Her Face

2010-08-12T08:37:00.000-06:00

This made my day!

Loves

2010-08-10T22:07:00.005-06:00

Once in a blue moon I get to listen to music uninterrupted. I fall in love with bands all over again. Two of my eternal favorites are The Jealous Sound and The Appleseed Cast.

Reminds me of late nights in dirty bars and venues, listening to bands that I love with good friends. Man, I need a good show.

Trips To The Airport

2010-07-02T22:04:00.001-06:00

Here are the boys yesterday--7 am drop-off at DIA.

Their flight to San Jose went off without a hitch. Elijah's first plane trip was so exciting for him, just like Austin's was when he was six. My mom took Austin to visit my sister and her family in the Bay Area, and it's Elijah's turn now that he is six! Austin was also able to go on this trip because my sister was flying up from Pasadena, and my brother decided to fly out from New Jersey with his kids-their first trip to California.

Everyone is having a blast. I'm quite jealous that Ryan and I aren't there, but we just weren't able to afford it at the time the tickets were purchased.

Ryan and I were going to head up to Steamboat Springs tomorrow, but we felt that we needed to cancel the trip on Wednesday. Turns out there was a reason....we have a family member in the hospital in critical condition.

This is not an easy situation...we're waiting to tell the boys when they get back. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.

We Are Family

2010-06-23T21:59:00.001-06:00

I'm all for family time. The more the better. But I'm getting to that point.

It's becoming too much.

Four weeks straight with the boys, with the occasional two hour break. Nights don't count, because I'm still in mommy-mode. Being sick doesn't count as a break either. Not by a long-shot.

Ryan took the boys to see a movie last night. That meant 3 1/2 hours to my self at home. I'm grateful. So, so, so grateful.

But I'm going to be selfish and say that it's not enough. I want a day. Shoot, two days to myself.

Me, me, me!

One week-I've had a countdown for the last month. One week from tomorrow, and the boys will be in California with my parents, brother, sisters, nieces and nephews.

I'm soooooo ready.

The Rundown

2010-06-22T23:38:00.006-06:00

So changes....I'm not one for change. Especially a lot of changes at once. I'm also not one for chaos and busyness. I like things orderly. Routine is fabulous.

Well, the last couple of months have thrown that totally off.

We've been busy. Extremely busy.

The rundown;

Elijah turned 6 on April 9th. He's smart, funny, and full of energy. He had an ice cream extravaganza with some friends for his birthday. So cute to see a bunch of 6 year old kids running around with a massive sugar high.

(Elijah's birthday lunch at Sushi 1.)

My little sister graduated from college in May. I am more than proud of her, as she is the only college graduate in our immediate family. My siblings flew in for the ceremony. We were all tired, but enjoyed each others company. It was a weekend full of parties and Mother's Day. Friends and family time always makes me happy.

(Me, my sister Rita, and friend's Annalee, Karli, and Keri. Photo by Karli and Keri's mom. I need to get family photos from that day, soon!)

Austin turned 10 on May 23rd. He's so sweet and thoughtful. He also thinks that he's older than he is. And he's going to be a heart breaker. Good Lord, help us.

Because he turned 10, his big birthday gift was a trip to the Rockies game with two friends. That was the second Rockies game that we were able to go to in one week. It was a grand old time.

(Rockies game with Ryan, the boys and me.)

Ryan is old now. He turned 33 on Memorial Day. He got a BBQ with friends and family, and a trip to Comedy Works in Denver to see Mike Birbiglia a couple of weeks later. Ah-mazing!

Ryan's little sister, Charis, got married two weeks ago. Beautiful wedding, and beautiful bride. Elijah was one of the ring bearers. He stopped to show me the rings on his way down the aisle.

Somewhere between all of the birthdays, graduations, weddings, and end of school craziness-we traded in our aging cars and got a mini-van. I loooooove it. Even though I feel really, really old now.

I also started working from home doing child care for my cousin's two adorable girls. The boys are adjusting pretty well to the changes in routine. We've had a bit of a break due to sickness and vacations. Starting in mid-July we should be back on track.

A new routine, and some semblance of order should be in place.

I hope.

Terrible, Horrible

2010-06-18T12:05:00.001-06:00

I'm a terrible, horrible blogger.

April, May, and June are always crazy.

Birthdays, birthdays, Mother's Day, graduations, more birthdays, weddings, Father's Day. Insane.

I'll try to play catch up next week.

Rita, remember when Brannon taught Hudson how to say terrible, horrible? So amazing.

Changes?

2010-05-18T13:15:00.001-06:00

I think some changes are coming our way. Ones that will be new, and different. Some days I think they will be challenging and draining, too.

I'm looking forward to them though. They will be good.

More details to come soooooon.

(And no, I'm not pregnant.)

Thankfulness

2010-04-29T09:36:00.002-06:00

Some days I wake up happy.

Which is much, much better than waking up grumpy, like I usually do. I am soooooo not a morning person. My poor family. They're learning to give me a moment or two to adjust.

When I woke up this morning it was snowing. Big, fat, wet flakes. It made me happy and thankful.

Thankful for the husband who likes to make up ridiculously silly songs about just how much he loves me.

Thankful for my boys, who love to tell me how much they love me.

Thankful that we have a house to live in (even if it isn't my dream home).

Thankful that I am able to be a stay at home mom.

And so very thankful that my siblings will be here in one week.

Snip, Snip

2010-04-27T00:03:00.000-06:00

Someone needs her freaking bangs cut.

Hope For Us

2010-04-26T14:16:00.005-06:00

I love coming away from a conversation with someone, and you know, absolutely know, that they understand where you are coming from. They aren't trying to understand. They understand.

They get that living in a house that was your husband's home with his first wife is not easy.

That some days you want to cry from the frustration. Or scream.

That this house is not truly home.

They get that setting aside the desire to have a baby right now, is heartbreaking. Why set it aside? Because having a baby in another woman's home just feels too overwhelming.

This house was their dream, their future.

For now, it makes me happy to know that there are people who understand, who don't tell me how I should or shouldn't feel.

There is contentment. And, yes, some days there is frustration.

But there is hope for us.

Someday it will be our home, our dream, and our future.

Sweden

2010-04-25T15:18:00.003-06:00

A couple of years after I finished high school, there was a period of time when I seriously contemplated attending a small Bible college in Sweden. I never went, due to money issues, but it was so fun to dream.

I've always had a love for Sweden. I don't know if it's because of the little bit of Swedish heritage that I have from my mom's side of the family (a mix of English, Irish, Welsh, German, and Swedish), but I love that country.

There's something about the snow, the people, and the design.

And the music. I have such a love for Swedish musicians. Lykke Li and The Sounds are two of my obsessions.

Dreaming

2010-04-21T12:50:00.003-06:00

It's cloudy and chilly out today. It's the kind of day that always makes me dream.

Today, I'm dreaming about going back to Hawaii.

(Me and Ryan in Oahu, June 2007)

Things I Say On a Regular Basis (Because I Live With Three Boys)

2010-04-20T19:32:00.002-06:00

Who made this mess?!

Stop throwing that. Ball. In. This. House.

Please stop playing with your privates in front of me.

Who got poop on the toilet seat?!

Please clean up your mess. Clean it up. Yes, now.

Why is there pee on the sink?

Where did those buggers come from?! I know, your nose. Why are they on the wall?

Stop that.

That's not funny.

Ewwwwwwww.

Chew with your mouth closed, please.

Your clothes go in the hamper, not under your bed.

Is it bedtime yet?

Craziness

2010-04-03T14:39:00.002-06:00

My laptop is in the shop. Again. HP better get it right or I'll be screaming "LEMON!" at them.

We're slowly working on getting the house ready to put on the market. Keyword, slowly.

I have to go through all of our s#!* and get it ready for a garage sale next weekend. It's sad to see just how much crap we have that we don't need.

Elijah's birthday is on Friday! He'll be six. He's growing like a weed. He's also turning into a little smart ass. Like father, like son.

Austin has a speaking part in the spring program. No solo. He decided he didn't want to try out for one this time. He broke my heart.

I need a hair cut, badly.

I also need a break.

I'll be getting new glasses at the end of the week. My first new pair in 10 years. So excited.

I need chocolate.

And a nap.

5 x 5

2010-03-16T13:05:00.002-06:00

It's been awhile since I've done one of these.

Five things I love about spring;

Tulips! They are my favorite flower.
The drab brown-ness disappears and Stinktown becomes almost bearable.
Trips to Rocky Mountain National Park.
Picnics in the park.
Fresh air blowing through open windows.

Five things I have done today;

Drank an amazing cup of coffee.
Cuddled with my sick 5 year old.
Caught up on my DVR watching, since I'm getting over being sick, too.
Did the dishes that were overflowing the sink.
Texted back and forth with my sister Rita. She was letting me know she was ok in Pasadena after a 4.4 predawn earthquake hit southern California.

Five things that I love doing lately;

Listening to music on Last.fm. You can view my profile here.
Reading, reading, reading. I'm partial to mysteries and thrillers.
Watching Netflix movies on our Xbox 360.
Dreaming of vacationing in Hawaii, California, and Australia. Oh, I wish we had the money.
Making vegetarian pot pies.

Five things that are driving me absolutely bonkers today;

Debt.
Cleaning up after people who are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves.
The fact that I'm sick.
The zit on my jaw that is taking freaking forever to heal.
Knowing that my house needs a serious cleaning, and having no desire to do so.

Five things that make me incredibly happy;

The fact that my parents live less than 45 minutes away.
Watching a good movie with my husband.
Talking to my siblings.
Knowing that I get to see all of my siblings in May when my younger sister graduates from college.
Time alone.

Previous 5 x 5 post can be found here.

It's Ba-ack!

2010-03-16T10:47:00.003-06:00

Wooooo! I have my laptop back! Almost 6 months later. It's like having a whole new computer, especially since my handsome husband loaded Windows 7 onto it.

Unfortunately, they had to wipe the hard drive to fix it, so all of my pictures are on our external hard drive. As of right now, I only have webcam pics.

I'm looking forward to blogging a bit more. I've kinda, sorta, maybe missed it. A little bit.

On The Outs

2010-02-26T11:03:00.001-07:00

My laptop has been dead since the beginning of October. Being the procrastinator that I am, I didn't send it in to be fixed until two weeks ago. That's approximately 5 months of procrastination. In my defense, half of that time was used to try and get some pictures that I really, really wanted off of the hard drive.

While it's been nice not being online as much as I used to be, I'm getting the itch to get back in the game.

We'll see if HP can step up their game and get me my less-than-a-year-old computer back...without any more problems.

100 of 2009

2010-01-06T19:12:00.019-07:00

I turned 30 in January, and it wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be.
I'd like to say that turning 30 motivated me to start working out on a regular basis, but it did not.
I worked out two times. Two!
We bought a king size memory foam bed in May. Ah-ma-zing!
It helped my insomnia, a little.
We also bought new bedroom furniture. It makes a huge difference to have things in the house that are ours.
In April, I went to Pasadena to visit Rita and Nick. It was a fabulous 5 days.
Ate at In-N-Out 3 times in 5 days. Mmmmm, In-N-Out.
The flight into LAX was the scariest flight I have ever been on. It was so turbulent that I caught air while buckled into my seat.
Rita and I went to the happiest place on Earth!
Of course, we both got sun burnt.
I got to see Rob and Erin!!
We didn't take any pictures together. :( I still haven't figured out how the heck that happened.
Rita, Nick, and I went to Newport Beach for a day. Sitting on the beach refreshed my soul.
On Thanksgiving I discovered that I could prepare a butternut squash to eat and not slice my finger off. It only took me 5 years to finally try it. Ridiculous.
I once again drank copious amounts of Reed's Extra Ginger Brew throughout the year.
Adding whiskey to it made it even better, as always.
I neglected my blog a lot. It was quite refreshing, really.
My laptop died in October. Thankfully, it is still under warranty....I just have to box the darn thing up and mail it in. It's only taken me three months.
My tendency to procrastinate a lot hasn't changed. Obviously.
All of my library fines were another sign of my procrastination. Pretty sure the total was over $50 this year. Probably more.
I got a bicycle for free this year. It's quite beautiful and in amazing shape for being 40 years old.
Didn't get to see my brother at all this year. Not nice.
Thankfully, my sister Tammy, my niece, and my nephew were able to visit in August.
Ryan, the boys, and I went to Pagosa Springs, Ouray, and Telluride in August. It was the first time I had ever been to that part of the state, after living here for 30 years.
We came within a mere two inches of hitting some guy on a crotch rocket head-on when he tried to pass the car in front of him, on a curve, on Red Mountain Pass. There were no guardrails.
My life literally flashed before my eyes. I don't ever want to be inches from death again.
It made me believe in miracles all over again.
I sat in the hot springs for the first time ever. I loved it.
I saw a bear in the wild for the first time when I was riding the gondola back up the mountain from Telluride.
Ryan was jealous.
Thankfully, we did not see Tom Cruise in Telluride.
The clutch on my car went out on our way home.
It died 5 minutes from where Ryan's mom just happened to be staying in Buena Vista.
Another miracle.
I became even more addicted to Whole Foods cheese pizza.
I got hooked on the Sookie Stackhouse novels.
Painted our bedroom all by myself.
Took the boys to see the fireworks all by myself on the 4th of July at City Park.
2009 was the year that Ryan traveled and worked a lot.
I vowed never to buy La Z Boy furniture again after our 3 year old couches started splitting. They refused to fix the cushions, even though we had an extended warranty. Bastards.
We got our family portraits taken, and as usual, it was real fun. Thanks, Sarah!
Went to the Broncos game on Thanksgiving this year with Ryan. For free! Thanks again, Uncle Don!
Took the boys to their first Roller Derby bout. They loved it, and the Slaughterhouse Derby Girls kicked ass.
Cooked Marinara Sauce from scratch for the first time. YUM.
I hope not to have to buy it in a jar ever again.
Met with a nutritionist for the first time. It was amazing. Thanks, Janey!
I actually got Christmas cards mailed on time. One or two were late, though.
49, that's the limit!
I got tested for skin cancer, yet again.
Thankfully, it was benign.
I stressed out a lot waiting for the results, even though I tried not to.
I was summoned for jury duty.
Got strep and got excused.
Got summoned again to make up for the last time.
I knew from the moment that I got the summons in the mail, that I would be picked.
I was.
I tried really, really, really hard not to be picked, but apparently, they liked me.
I think that having Gonzales as one of my last names helped.
The case was very stressful...it lasted four days. A 19 year old was charged with the attempted murder of two police officers, resisting arrest, reckless endangerment, and a couple of other things.
We found him not guilty of attempted murder, due to lack of evidence. He was found guilty of all of the other charges.
The judge agreed with us.
Alison and I went to see Depeche Mode at Red Rocks the day the case was over.
Best. Night. Ever.
Said "stop that" approximately 16,456 times this year.
Was almost hit by another car on a weekly basis when driving past campus. Stupid college kids.
We didn't sell the house.
I still hate the basement.
Stayed at the Armstrong for my birthday. One night by myself, and one night with Ryan.
Man, I love him.
Visited a loved one in the ICU.
Saw the Appleseed Cast play live again.
Got addicted to Boom Blox on the Wii.
Stayed up into the wee hours of the morning playing. Thought it was 1am when I went to bed....when it was really 4:30am.
I'm no longer allowed to play it.
Saw Rita and Flea on Ellen.
Tried to see Ellen when I was in Cali, but they were sold out.
Went to H&M. Heaven.
Watched a lot of Dexter with Ryan.
Saw an hours old miniature horse. Cutest thing ever.
Cried when I learned she had to be put down because her legs didn't develop right.
Had three Christmas celebrations in two days.
Made an apple pie from scratch for the first time. It didn't turn out.
Celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. Our marriage keeps getting better--through hard work.
Got flung a cross the basement floor in an office chair at Rita S's birthday party. Seriously, one of the funnest parties.
I think I remember wearing a Naval Officer's hat at that party...
Got hooked on Celebrity Rehab.
Had a dance party in the car with Austin, Elijah, and Lady Gaga.
Sent someone I love flowers for the first time.
Gave up sugar again.
Started eating it again.
Then, gave it up again.
Didn't see Megan at all. How did that happen?!
Played Dutch Blitz for the first time and loved it.
I'm not gonna lie, I was mighty proud when Austin decided that he was going to become a vegetarian, a decision that he came to on his own.
Came to the realization that I can't change other people, but I can change my reactions to them.
Won $9 playing the lotto. Pfffft.
Didn't have to call the police because someone was shooting off their gun or fighting in our front yard, but did call them when someone left their 4 year old outside unsupervised. Running into traffic. Gah!
Finally went to the Griffith Observatory.
Made it through 2009 without someone I love dying. Thank you, God.

Blah!

2009-11-20T13:16:00.002-07:00

So Elijah, our five year old, talks and sometimes yells in his sleep. Usually between the hours of 11pm and 2am. Don't worry, I've talked to the doctor about it and he's not worried.

I've heard all kinds of great stuff from him.

"That's MINE Awwww-ssstin!"

"I love you too, Mommy."

"No, no, no, give that back!"

Last night though, was the best.

"Blah, b-b-blah, blah. BLAH!"

Because I Love Them So

2009-11-07T00:39:00.009-07:00

I love my kids. Love them with a fierceness that can take my breath away. To know that some may think that I'm not their mom, that they are not my children, because I'm not their birth mother, breaks my heart.

I know of others who are in the same situation, who have heard that, because they married a widower with children, they can mother, but they can't be a mother.

To those who think that someone is not a mother because they didn't give birth to those children, that's fear. Fear of the unknown, the unthinkable. It's the thought that, if that happened to me, if I died, I wouldn't want to be replaced or forgotten.

It can't and won't happen. My children's mom will always be loved and honored. Never, ever forgotten.

They know they have two mommies who love them. Always. They know how special and unique that is.

I posted this awhile back. Here it is again...

Saturday, September 20, 2008

There Are Two

One thing that I haven't really talked about on my blog is how Ryan was a widower before we married. The boys were 4 1/2 and 7 months old when they were involved in a series of car accidents one snowy, icy night. The accident put the boys in the hospital and took the life of their mother, Ryan's first wife. It was a tragedy that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Ever.

By the grace of God, Ryan has been able to face the next chapter of his life without the mother of his children. Through prayers, faith and strength...he has been able to move forward.

Ryan, the boys and I got married two and a half years ago. One thing I am amazed by, and so very thankful for, is how easily the boys accepted me as their mommy. Not a step-mom.
When we got engaged Ryan very wisely explained to Austin (Elijah was too little at the time) that we would be getting married, and he would be blessed to have two mommies. A mommy in heaven who loved him so, and a mommy here on Earth that will love and care for him and Elijah. I have been Mom ever since. I love them more than I can say, and am so, so, so amazingly blessed to have two wonderful children to call my own.

Until recently, I had never heard a story similar to ours. One night a couple of weeks ago Ryan, Austin and I were watching the news when we heard the story of vice presidential nominee Joe Biden. He, too, became a young widower after the death of his first wife and baby daughter in a car accident. Their twin boys survived. A few years later, he got remarried to an amazing woman. The following is the story about her. The interview with their son brought me to tears...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Fun, fun

2009-08-03T19:34:00.001-06:00

This is what we do when Ryan works late.

P.S. I'm wearing a tube top, even though you can't see it.

Today...

2009-07-13T20:13:00.004-06:00

...Austin informed me that they (he and Elijah) went to space again, but this time they didn't wear their space suits.

They're just not comfortable.

Hmmmm

2009-05-05T22:42:00.006-06:00

I went to California, and it was great.

However, things have been insane since I got back on April 20th, in the wee hours of the morning. Who am I kidding? The whole month of April was ridiculous. I'm still trying to recover.

Be back soon. Hopefully.

Californnnnnniiiiiiaaaaaaa

2009-04-15T17:41:00.010-06:00

After looking high and low for the OC's theme song by Phantom Planet, I have given up trying to find it on You Tube.

Anyway, I'm in California. After an extremely turbulent flight (I caught air while buckled into my seat), and tons of prayers, I am safe and enjoying time with my sister, Rita and brother-in-law Nick.

While I'm in California, I will be going here.
And here--numerous times. And here, I can't wait!Oh, yeah. We'll also be going to the happiest place on earth. Yea!Be back Sunday!

Heavenly

2009-03-23T12:18:00.002-06:00

I've been trying to savor the beautiful moments in my life. I'm looking for and clinging to the amazing and lovely gifts that I have been given.

A smile from my husband. A kiss from one of my boys. Dinner with my parents. Coffee with a friend. A phone call from one of my beautiful siblings. A lovely photo.

Ryan sent this to me-the song is by one of my favorite bands. It reminds me that there is always beauty to be found in this life, and I'm so very thankful for that.

Animation by Carlos Lascano
Music by Sigur Rós - Hoppipolla

Happy Spring

2009-03-20T13:35:00.002-06:00

Spring always makes me happy. It means lots and lots of tulips-my favorite flower.It also makes me dream of visiting the Dutch tulip fields.

!!!!

2009-03-16T13:45:00.003-06:00

Reason #999 as to why we really need to move out of Ghettoville;

There are two registered sex offenders with felony convictions within a two block radius of our house. One down the street, and another one block over.

Honestly, this is why I don't let my kids play outside without adult supervision.

Yes!

2009-03-14T10:12:00.000-06:00

Depeche Mode at Red Rocks Amphitheatre
08/27/09 8:00 PM
Red Rocks Amphitheatre MORRISON
Number of Tickets: 
2 Adult

Price Level 1
Section RES 1, Row 24, Seat # 63
Section RES 1, Row 24, Seat # 64

I Need More...

2009-03-08T00:13:00.003-07:00

Motivation to make the basement bearable
Quiet time with God
Fruits and veggies
Time with friends
Patience
Vintage inspired dresses
Eye contacts
Inspiration
Library books
Sunglasses-I broke mine

My Darkness

2009-03-04T21:04:00.004-07:00

I have begun to love my darkness, because I now believe that it is a part, a tiny little part, of the darkness and suffering in which Jesus lived on earth-Mother Teresa
My favorite quote.

Sigh....

2009-03-03T13:58:00.002-07:00

I am loving this. It's insane.

Depeche Mode
Wrong

In The Last Month

2009-02-27T13:26:00.008-07:00

I celebrated my 30th birthday on the 26th of January.
Stayed in a suite at the Armstrong Hotel for two nights thanks to my husband.
Purchased a ticket to fly to southern California in April to see my little sister, and hopefully my older sister, too. April can't come soon enough!
Shared a Breakfast Club-themed birthday party with 4 other friends. A-mazing!
Had a pregnancy scare-I pretty much freaked out thinking I was pregnant. Thankfully, I am not. All in due time...just not right now.
Filed our tax return and am more than happy with what we will be getting back.
Found out Depeche Mode will be playing at Red Rocks in August. I. Can't. Wait.
Celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary.
Saw The Appleseed Cast with Ryan for our anniversary date. It was faaaabulous.

I'd say it's been a great month.

Three Whole Years

2009-02-20T22:18:00.006-07:00

February 18, 2006 was a good, good day. It was a beautiful, clear day with snow on the ground....and a temperature of -13.

I don't think it could have been any more perfect. It was the day Ryan, Austin, Elijah and I became a family.
Ryan and I celebrated our three year anniversary on Wednesday. I can honestly say that I love him even more now than the day we got married. We've been through it all in three short years, and we are stronger for it.

Thank you for loving me Ryan. And thank you for giving me the gift of being Austin and Elijah's mommy. I am truly blessed.

Lists! I Love Lists!

2009-02-02T17:54:00.003-07:00

Especially when they are all about me.

I posted this on my Facebook today--25 Random Things About Me. It's the "it" thing to do right now.

My 25 Random Things Thingy

1. I don't drink cow's milk. I stopped when I was three because it makes me gag. Thank God for Rice Milk.

2. No one is allowed to touch my pillows. For any reason. Ever.

3. I love, love, love watching PBS kids shows. Arthur, the Berenstain Bears, and Curious George are favorites. All the Nick Jr. shows can bite me.

4. I think that soda is EVE-ILL (like the fru-its of the Dev-ill) and refuse to give it to my kids. I will, on special occasions, give them a very small amount of "all natural" or fruit juice sweetened soda. Other than that, soda has been banished from our house, and rightly so.

5. Rita and I once sat next to a rapper named Mr. Cheeks on a flight from Chicago to Philly. He bought us drinks, played word search with us, gave us his CD and phone number so we could party with him in Philly-- cuz it was his Birfday.

6. I clean the bathroom a minimum of four times a week (because I live with three boys), but severely neglect the shower.

7. I can't stand our basement.

8. Folding laundry makes me want to stick a fork in my eye. Right now I have approximately 7 loads overflowing my 3 laundry baskets....waiting to be folded and put away. Gah!

9. I have been a vegetarian for 13 years and don't miss meat. At all.

10. My last name IS G******* D********, not just D********.

11. I really, really want a grilled cheese and fries from In-n-Out right now, but will have to wait until April to get some. I plan on eating there every day while I am in California.

12. Buying new books is like a drug for me.

13. I think that living in a town that has little to no culture is slowly killing my soul.

14. I love Argyle socks.

15. I wish I had grown up in the 50's just so I could wear Poodle Skirts and Saddle Shoes.

16. My middle name is Marie. I recently found out that my Grandma's (mom's mom) middle name was Marie, as was her mother's. I plan on giving my daughter (if I ever have one--dear God, please!) Marie as a middle name.

17. I refuse to have a baby while living in this house. Wanna know the reason? Ask me sometime.

18. I bagged groceries in high school at Toddy's and was an expert at bagging. I now have very high standards when it comes to other people bagging my groceries.

19. I got hit on a TON by old guys when I was working at Toddy's. Sick.

20. I could eat enchiladas everyday and never get sick of them.

21. Nap time is my favorite part of the day.

22. I don't like being compared to other people, especially while being paid a compliment. I think it cancels out the compliment and is very rude.

23. I am not a morning person.

24. My favorite animal is the koala bear.

25. I like to say fabulous. A lot.

100

2009-01-13T00:01:00.012-07:00

100 things in 2008.

While in Vail I rode a gondola for the first time, and I only got a little bit dizzy.
Went fishing with Ryan and the boys more than in previous years combined. Did I mention I hate fish, fish scales and gills?
Did not buy a single pair of jeans. All. Year. Long
Did not buy a single pair of shoes. All. Year. Long.
I did however, branch out and bought some more shirts that were not just black and white. Shocking!
Did not enjoy having Rita living in California (still don't), but oh well.
Still do not enjoy having Tammy and Tony living so far away. It doesn't get any easier.
Watched my Grandpa pass away in June....
Only left the state of Colorado (once) to go to Nebraska for the funeral.
Went through a bit of a depression during the summer months.
Enjoyed having my family all together in August.
Stayed here in Idaho Springs on three separate occasions. And loved it.
Enjoyed staying at my parent's house at least once a month.
Found out that once again, the SBC is my lifeline.
Ate tons of pizza.
And Mexican food.
And Thai food.
Cut my coffee consumption in half.
Drank tons of Reed's Extra Ginger Brew.
And because of that....I'm pretty sure I have gone up a size in jeans.
I worked out! Twice.
Went through three hairstylists in one year, and finally found one that doesn't leave one side of my hair longer than the other.
Got a massage and facial for Christmas (so did Rita!) because my husband is amazing. Best spa day ever--massages, facials and sister time.
Enjoyed a (surprise) weekend getaway up in Estes with Ryan for my 29th birthday in January. Oooo-la-la!
Also got to share a fabulous combined birthday celebration with three great friends.
And proceeded to eat birthday cake with my hands.
I finally ordered some prints of my wedding pictures...2 1/2 years later. I also had a photo book made of them. Fancy.
Did not sign into My Space all year long because they suck and won't send me my password.
Discovered that I could live without My Space.
So I started a blog that no one reads. It's been fun!
Joined Facebook. Meh.
Took Elijah to his first day of preschool...and only cried a little.
Then I enjoyed the peace and quiet.
Started babysitting for a friend, so my peace and quiet time was cut in half. But I actually enjoy it, so it kinda evens out.
Saw Sigur Ros at Red Rocks with Jodi and it was heavenly.
Did not get enough sleep.
Only went on one long motorcycle ride with Ryan and am really sad about that, but at least it was with some good friends.
Decided that someday I will have a king size bed.
Got hooked on Dexter (and formed a bit of a crush).
Ate some very well....made gingerbread men.
Did things with Christmas decorations that I didn't think were possible.
Laughed harder than I ever have while singing Christmas carols.
Had a winning lottery ticket worth some serious cash...eleven whole dollars!
Elijah and I made the cover of Sarah's brother's CD.
Watched a bird fly into our front window. Twice.
Took lots of pictures and didn't get them printed.
Missed the big tornado. Thankfully.
Was glad that my Dad was safe during the tornado and only had damage to his car.
49 is Rita's favorite number! Got numerous picture messages from Rita with the #49.
Saw and was amazed by Obama's acceptance speech at the DNC.
Only took baths while at my parents house.
Heard Elijah say, "I love you too, Mommy." Then proceeded to hear him yell "THAT'S MINE, AW-ssssss-TIN!" All while he was sleeping.
Enjoyed time alone with Austin. That boy is such a sweetheart.
Went panning for gold with the family in Idaho Springs.
Was witness to three fights. One of them in my front yard.
Dialed 911 three times this year.
Heard five gunshots outside our window at 2 in the morning.
Stalled my car a total of three times because I'm not used to wearing snow boots. I wore boots for the first time in years (I know, I know, I live in Colorado, but I hate wearing them).
Did not hang out with Andrea, Jodi, or Peter enough this year.
Watched 27 Dresses a minimum of 8 times, just because it was on constant rotation on HBO.
Decorated more for Halloween than I did for Christmas (I'm real picky about my Christmas decorations-they have to be vintage(ish), red, white and silver).
Did not make the boys' Halloween costumes and it was quite nice.
Gave away half of my wardrobe.
Enjoyed our fish tank. Even the fish with no eyes.
Gave up sugar, then changed my mind, gave it up again, and once again changed my mind.
Still did not finish painting the bathroom.
Enjoyed numerous dinners at Los Tarascos with my family.
Did a lot of self-examination at 1 in the morning when the insomnia would hit.
Came to the conclusion that you can't please everyone...and stopped trying.
Came to appreciate the people in my life who may not always agree with me, but at least respect me and my decisions.
Tried to do the same to others.
Tried really, really hard to stop speculating and worrying about things that are out of my control, and just tried to trust God more.
Walked into the corner of a wall in the middle of the night at my parents house--at full speed. Was dizzy and had a headache the next day...and a bruised and swollen nose. Maybe a mild concussion. Oh, and it happened on the eve of the Neuboyd wedding. Brilliant.
Shared a hotel room with my sisters and was happy that we could still make each other laugh when all we wanted to do was cry (at my Grandpa's funeral).
Shared a mother and son dance with Elijah at a wedding.
Did not go thrift shopping once and kinda miss it.
Swore I'd never eat at Big City Burrito again, but did. Eight or eleven times.
Still can't talk about my Uncle's suicide.
Did not journal enough.
Did not read as much as I would have liked.
Got addicted to blogs, but only the ones that make me happy.
Found that I may be getting old, but I still like to shake it.
Almost stopped doing laundry because of how many used tissues I found in the dryer. Ewwwwwwww.
Added a grand total of two new recipes to my cooking rotation.
2008 was the year of the vampires....Twilight and True Blood.
Enjoyed watching many movies with my husband.
Got a new mp3 player, but barely use it (I kinda forget I have it sometimes).
Actually bought myself new pj's for the first time in two years.
Pretty sure I only rode in Ryan's car twice.
Didn't drive it once.
Got flipped off by some idiot college kid because he couldn't drive.
Did not talk to Erin or Rob enough.
Won tickets to see The Faint and danced my arse off.
Only got sunburned once, right in the middle of my back. There was a nice uneven patch of red that I didn't quite get with the sunscreen.
Did not have to get tested for skin cancer for the first time in years. Whew.
Listened to XM Radio. A lot. It kept me sane while at home.
Didn't clean under my bed once.
Told the people I love, "I love you" way more often.
Incurred approximately $33 worth of library fines over the course of the year. What a procrastinator.
Had at least three pregnancy scares.......

And am not pregnant!

5 x 5

2008-12-31T14:04:00.017-07:00

Five things I learned this year;

Losing someone you love never gets any easier
That stressing out so much over (some of) the little things doesn't do me any good
It's ok to say "No" to things when you are already over-scheduled
Not to assume things about people or situations
That eating healthy goes hand in hand with exercising (this is a recurring revelation)

Five things I loved about 2008;

Having my family here in August
That our family (Ryan, Austin, Elijah and I) no longer feels like a blended family
Paying down some debt
Friendships growing stronger
A new appreciation for my husband and all he does for us

Five things I disliked about 2008;

The death of my Grandpa-I miss him so!
Procrastination on my part (this is vague, I know)
That we are still living in this house
The freaking economy and just how greedy some people can be
Debt

Five things I wish I had done this year;

Worked out more
Organized this house better
Planned meals ahead of time
Ok, that is all
For this one

Five things I would love to happen in 2009;

That I don't lose someone I love. I have been saying this for the last 6 years, and I pray that it will finally come true this year...I'm tired of being in various stages of grief
Oh, I don't know-that we sell this house
Find a church that I love
World peace-improbable, I know-we live in a fallen world
Go on a vacation with Ryan and the kids

Happy New Year!

Wishing

2008-12-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

Wishing you a Merry Christmas

and a very blessed New Year.

I Think I Can

2008-12-19T16:58:00.005-07:00

Hi there. It's me again, the procrastinator. Yeah, I have yet to mail our Christmas cards. I'm pretty sure the majority of them will arrive after Christmas.

Soooo, I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas right now. And give you a peek at the wonderful picture of the boys that will be accompanying the card. You know, in case I don't even get them mailed, because it's been known to happen.

(photo by the amazing Sarah Boyd)

Wish List

2008-12-17T00:12:00.005-07:00

All I want for Christmas is.....

...a day at an Aveda spa. Facial, manicure, pedicure, massage. You know, the works.

I'd also like a night on the town with my lil' sister Rita while she is home for Christmas.

I'm keeping it simple this year.

Hold Me Back

2008-12-12T14:00:00.002-07:00

I should not be allowed into a bookstore that has 30% off of everything.
That is like placing a Pulcinella pizza and an Easy Street in front of me, and telling me not to consume either one.

Oh, the temptation!

Can This Week Be Over Now?!

2008-12-02T16:21:00.002-07:00

We had a very nice Thanksgiving. Took the kids to see Bolt (in 3-D, no less) on Wednesday, and on Thursday had a nice Thanksgiving dinner with Ryan's family. On Friday, Ryan and I stayed in Fort Collins and had a date night. Dinner and a movie. Good times.

Saturday dawned, and as we were sitting down to a nice late breakfast, we got word that Ryan's workplace was burglarized (again). I'm telling you, some people have no shame stealing from a youth center.

And to top it all off, Saturday night Ryan got sick with some stomach-throw up-nastiness...and I got it Sunday. We've pretty much been unable to eat since then.

And now.....Elijah officially has it. I know for sure because I just cleaned up some....stuff (and almost lost what little food I have in my stomach). Oh, Lord. Help us.

We're just hoping and praying Austin doesn't get it. He has his elementary Christmas program on Thursday, and this year he has a solo that we are so excited about.

I know that this too shall pass. But I'm ready for it to be over with. Like now.

A Bright Spot

2008-12-02T16:15:00.000-07:00

With all of the sickness in our house, it's so nice to have friends who will bring you ginger ale at 9:00 at night. Just because they love you. And don't want you to die.

Thanks, Becca. You're an angel.

I Choose

2008-11-27T00:01:00.009-07:00

Today I choose to think about the things that I have in my life that are good, and true, and holy. The things that are uplifting to my spirit. The moments that bring me joy and not sorrow.

Today I'm thankful for the opportunities I have had to learn and grow and change, however excruciatingly painful the process has been.

I'm thankful for the wonderful people that I have in my life who understand me and love me for me: Ryan, Austin, Elijah, Mom, Dad, Tammy, Tony, Rita, Sarah, Andrea, Jodi, Rob, Erin, Katie, Karli, Amber, Annalee, Britt, and Alison. Thank you for laughing with me, crying with me, grieving with me, and praying with me. Your love and support are invaluable.

Lastly, I thank God for everything I have. I thank Him for the beauty and hope that I have in my life. And I thank Him for my trials and tragedies. Though I may not understand it all in this life, I am thankful that they bring me closer to Him.

I wish you all a very safe, peaceful, and happy Thanksgiving...

Munchkins

2008-11-26T10:32:00.004-07:00

I am so very thankful for the fact that I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mommy. We make sacrifices to do so (monetary, and some days--my sanity), but it is so worth it.

I mean, who wouldn't want to be home with these two?

Today

2008-11-25T17:36:00.008-07:00

Today I am thankful for the fact that I can get the hell out of Stinktown, and that Fort Collins is only 30 minutes away.

Elijah and I had lunch at our favorite coffee shop, and I got to see three of my best friends. Fabulous.

I'm also happy that I finally found a winter beanie that I actually like, and that it doesn't make my head look like a cone.

While shopping today I found Chocolate Peppermint soy milk. For someone who hates milk with a passion, this is mmmm, mmmm, good. Especially warmed up.
Good times.

Grateful

2008-11-24T16:00:00.005-07:00

In the spirit of giving thanks, I will try to post at least one thing each day until Thanksgiving that I am thankful for.

Today, I am thankful for this man.

Sure, he snores, laughs at his own jokes, and does things just to annoy the hell out of me on purpose (daily), but he loves me and supports me no matter what.

Definitely a keeper.

Bleh

2008-11-20T16:35:00.002-07:00

I have the flu.

At least I now know that my nausea, fatigue and moodiness are due to sickness, and not pregnancy.

Praise the Lord.

Obsessing

2008-11-12T13:21:00.004-07:00

I've been obsessing over these two songs by this band for the last couple of months.

This video is freaking genius--Epic Last Song

Dawn of the Dead

Withdrawal

2008-11-11T17:14:00.004-07:00

I've been going through a slight withdrawal for about the last two months. I didn't even realize it until just this week. I've been somewhat moody, grumpy, and irritable. Not enough so that everyone would notice, but I know.

See, I've been deprived of an essential part of my makeup for the last eight weeks. It's my friends. Not just any friends. These are some of my very best friends.

Every other Thursday for the last....three years or so, we get together. We talk about what is going our lives. We laugh, we cry. We pray for one another. We learn about God together. They almost know me better than my family.

But for one reason or another I haven't been able to head to Fort Collins for Girl Club (formerly known as Bible study and renamed by our friend Justin) for two months. It's been killing me.

I'm miss you girls, and come hell or high water, I will be there on Thursday.

This Is Why I Love Fall

2008-11-10T13:27:00.008-07:00

Trying

2008-11-06T16:19:00.003-07:00

I'm trying to get laundry done so it doesn't pile up like it always does.

I'm trying not to eat sugar until Thanksgiving--because then I can gorge myself on pumpkin pie from Whole Foods. But it is really, really hard not to when there are chocolate chip cookies and leftover Halloween candy in the cupboard.

I'm trying not to glue Elijah to his chair. Just so he will sit still for more than two seconds while he eats.

I'm trying to be happy with where I am right now.

I'm trying to get motivated to do Christmas cards again this year.

I'm trying to tell myself that I can make do with my winter wardrobe, but who am I kidding?! I can't get by with one sweater and two long sleeve shirts!

I'm trying to get into a Pilates workout routine....because working out once every six months is just not cutting it.

I'm trying not to be frustrated by the hate that always surrounds politics. Honestly, wanting to punch someone just because they don't agree with you is sooooooo not the Christian thing to do. Don't even get me started on those who question others faith in Jesus Christ, just because they didn't vote they way the Religious Right says they must.

I'm trying to get the house cleaned and organized. Again.

I'm trying to find time for me, before I explode.

I'm trying to get into a night time routine to hopefully curb my insomnia (it's baaaaaack).

I'm trying to find beauty and hope in the little things.

The Kids

2008-11-04T12:37:00.004-07:00

Austin is voting for McCain.

Elijah is voting for Obama.
Yep, our household is split down the middle. For reals.

Done and Done

2008-10-28T20:30:00.005-06:00

I voted today...and I'm positive that I won't be going to hell because I did or didn't vote a certain way.

Happy (Belated) Birthday, Brother

2008-10-25T20:08:00.008-06:00

I just figured out that my brother lives 1771 miles away from me. Makes it kind of hard to give him a (belated) birthday hug.

Anyway, I love and miss you Tony. A lot.

I win!

2008-10-23T13:17:00.004-06:00

I just won tickets to go see this band next Thursday night.

Also, we now have hot water (after 5 freaking days without it). Whirlpool finally got their act together and gave us a new one. Punks.

Needless to say, I am one happy girl. Free tickets and my first hot shower since Sunday. Sa-weet.

My Day So Far

2008-10-20T11:16:00.009-06:00

The Good;

Leftover Tofurky and pumpkin pie from Whole Foods for lunch today. Mmmm, mmmm, good.

The Bad;

The pilot light going out on our hot water heater again (as in, will not light at all). Less than a year after we bought it. And not having hot water for over 24 hours in our house.

The Ugly;

Me--after getting off of the phone with Whirlpool customer support. Thanks for not helping me at all and completely pissing me off even more. Good job people.

The Many Faces...

2008-10-12T21:38:00.002-06:00

...of Austin.

And The Many Faces...

2008-10-12T21:23:00.003-06:00

....of Elijah.

Happy

2008-10-01T23:49:00.012-06:00

The past two weekends I have been lucky enough to enjoy what I like to call Trina Time. It's being able to do some of the things that I love most (besides hanging out with my loving husband and adorable children, of course), but rarely have the time to actually do.

I got to celebrate with friends at The Future Party (Sarah and Blake's engagement party).

(My costume sucked. Mainly because I didn't have one--we improvised when I got there).

I went to Denver and was able to grab coffee with Andrea and do some shopping before heading to an amazing show with Jodi to celebrate her birthday.

I also got to sleep in and have time to myself, too. Two weekends in a row.

So, let's recap. These things make me happy; friends, a good show, coffee, shopping, a good party, sleeping in and time alone.

Thanks, Ryan, Mom and Dad for making it happen. You're the best.

There Are Two

2008-09-20T14:56:00.011-06:00

One thing that I haven't really talked about on my blog is how Ryan was a widower before we married. The boys were 4 1/2 and 7 months old when they were involved in a series of car accidents one snowy, icy night. The accident put the boys in the hospital and took the life of their mother, Ryan's first wife. It was a tragedy that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Ever.

By the grace of God, Ryan has been able to face the next chapter of his life without the mother of his children. Through prayers, faith and strength...he has been able to move forward.

Ryan, the boys and I got married two and a half years ago. One thing I am amazed by, and so very thankful for, is how easily the boys accepted me as their mommy. Not a step-mom.
When we got engaged Ryan very wisely explained to Austin (Elijah was too little at the time) that we would be getting married, and he would be blessed to have two mommies. A mommy in heaven who loved him so, and a mommy here on Earth that will love and care for him and Elijah. I have been Mom ever since. I love them more than I can say, and am so, so, so amazingly blessed to have two wonderful children to call my own.

Until recently, I had never heard a story similar to ours. One night a couple of weeks ago Ryan, Austin and I were watching the news when we heard the story of vice presidential nominee Joe Biden. He, too, became a young widower after the death of his first wife and baby daughter in a car accident. Their twin boys survived. A few years later, he got remarried to an amazing woman. The following link is to the story about her. The interview with their son brought me to tears...

5 x 5

2008-09-11T00:00:00.001-06:00

Are you ready?

Five things I am thankful for;
1. Fall. It's my most favorite season. I can't wait to start shopping for sweaters, jackets and scarves. I love, love, love the changing leaves.
2. The fact that the only pets we have are fish. I love looking at all of the fish in our sparkling clean tank. No more snakes (all three have died-finally). No more screeching parrot, he's at Ryan's work terrorizing everyone there. Hopefully it will stay there until the day it dies. Fish are my kind of pet. I think that's all we will have. Ever. Again.
3. That Elijah loves preschool.
4. Tuesday and Thursday mornings....I get three hours all to myself while Elijah is in school. Monday and Wednesday mornings I babysit an adorable three year old boy, and Friday through Sunday are our weekends here. So Tuesday and Thursday are my bliss.
5. The library. One of my most favorite places on earth.

Five things you may not know about me;
1. I'm left handed, but only when I write and bowl.
2. I'm half Mexican.
3. I can't sleep without earplugs, especially since I got married (hmmmm, I wonder why?)
4. I was home schooled beginning my freshman year until I graduated. I loved it because I hated public school.
5. I have yet to leave the country, but have been to Alaska and Hawaii.

Five of my most favorite TV shows;
1. The Office
2. Arrested Development
3. Bewitched
4. That 70's Show
5. Saved By the Bell

Five things that annoy me like none other;
1. People touching my pillows, because no one is allowed to touch my pillows for any reason. I don't want anyone's drool, germs...whatever on them. They are also never allowed to touch the floor. Ever.
2. When people wear shoes in the house. It freaks me out and I get totally anxious about all of the dirt and germs that are being tracked all over.
3. It drives me crazy when people don't cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze. Puh-leeze...do not spay your germy saliva everywhere.
4. Repetitive noises. Especially those made by my kids and their toys. Basically any shrill, repetitive noise.
5. Surround sound that is not in a movie theater. It's just too freaking loud for my sensitive ears to handle in small, enclosed spaces.

Five things I would do if I had some extra money;
1. Spa day at an Aveda spa...I'd get the works.
2. Fly to California to see my sisters and then to New Jersey to see my brother.
3. Buy the kids some new clothes for the winter.
4. Pay down stupid debt.
5. Family vacation with Ryan, the boys and me. Anywhere with white sandy beaches.

The end.

Oh, Happy Day

2008-09-10T21:34:00.006-06:00

I just saw on the news that Colorado is finally going to get an IKEA. Just an hour and fifteen minutes away from Stinktown.

That means I have about a year to save up the dolla bills before they open and I can go blow it all.

Maybe, just maybe, I can finally get some decent bedroom furniture.

You have no idea just how excited I am about this.

Things I Am Thankful For Right Now

2008-09-09T10:02:00.004-06:00

Sleep. Enchiladas-and the fact that my kids will finally eat them and love them. Beautiful weather. Prayers. Family, whose love and support are invaluable when things get tough. Finding a fabulous pair of shoes in my closet that I forgot I had. My kids. My husband and all that he does for us. Good music. The mountains. And so much more....

Blah

2008-09-07T23:56:00.001-06:00

It's been a long week. We've been passing around a cold. Elijah has somehow managed not to get it, lucky little guy.

I'm about ready to go sugar free again. I'm tired of getting sick on top of all of the stinking insomnia.

Hoping this next week will be better and that I can actually get away for some long overdue me time (we're talking weeks overdue).

To leave you on a happier note, here are two of my favorite things that can always make me smile; Mitch Hedberg and That 70's Show.

Mary flippin' Poppins

2008-09-02T00:20:00.013-06:00

I was a nanny for 10 years before I got married and became a wife and mother. I started out part-time when I was 17, went full-time when I was 18.

It was a job. A profession. Something that I loved, and was proud to do. I took it very, very seriously. The kids and parents were like family (two of the families I cared for are still family to me, and are a part of my life today). They trusted me to help their children learn and grow. They trusted me with their kids' lives.

Being a nanny prepared me to became an instant mom when Ryan, the boys and I got married 2 1/2 years ago. Well, except for the 24/7 part. I'm still getting used to that. No more nights, weekends, three weeks of vacation, or bonuses for me. Damn. But the things I learned helped me ease into motherhood. Two significant things being a) no kid is perfect and b) no parent is perfect. Just do your best and love, love, love those kids.

Nonetheless, here are just a few of the things that would have gotten me fired as a nanny, but for some reason, seem ok for some parents to do;

Not researching, finding and installing the proper child safety seats. Age, height and weight are all factors. Not just age. Seriously, if the seat belt on your child's backless booster seat is cutting across their neck, you're doing it wrong. Check it.
Seat belts in general. Each kid needs to have one. Should be a no brainer, right?
Putting kids under the age of 12 in the front seat with an airbag.
Letting a toddler outside without direct adult supervision-totally would have been fired for that.
Not knowing where the kids are.
Giving a toddler caffeine, whether it be in soda or energy drinks. Seriously, ever wonder why your kid stopped taking naps at 2 1/2? Could be all of the soda they drink on a daily basis.
Letting the kids eat whatever they want, whenever they want.
Junk food for snacks every day.
Drug or alcohol abuse.
Physical or emotional abuse.
Not engaging with, listening to, teaching, loving and hugging those kids.

I know that not everyone is perfect and please know that if you do, or have done some of these things, I am in no way judging you (ok, I will judge you if you've abused your kids or illegal substances). These are just some things that help me to be a mother to my kids...and were a part of my job as a nanny.

Blindsided

2008-09-01T21:57:00.005-06:00

Some days are easier. Some days I can get through the day without grief overwhelming me or blindsiding me. Today was not one of those days.

Today I'm missing my Grandpa. Achingly so. My Grandma, my uncle and my other Grandpa, too.

Praying for grace for the moment.

As Promised

2008-08-31T13:42:00.009-06:00

Here are some pictures from the DNC on Thursday. I am still amazed that we were even there.

Even though we had to walk for miles and miles (pretty sure I got all of my exercise for the year in one day), waited in a line that was probably a mile long for two hours before even entering the stadium, and ate crummy, overpriced stadium food (I was so desperate for something to eat by the time we got into the stadium that I ate nachos-with processed cheese sauce-which is totally against everything I believe in nutritionally), it was worth it.

Walking and waiting. See the stadium? It's waaaaaaaay over there.

We saw Satan and found out that we were going to be going to hell just because we were there....

Got dizzy when I got to our seats and realized just how high up we were, but what a view!

The End.

Two Things....

2008-08-31T13:27:00.002-06:00

I completely suck when it comes to doing laundry and replying to e-mail.

Just thought I'd share that with you.

Stellar Entertainment

2008-08-29T17:56:00.011-06:00

We went to Denver last night and saw Obama's speech at the DNC. One word....ok, two....historic and amazing.

Whatever your political views may be, and I personally don't care (to each his own-as long as you're not some fundamental extremist), it was so worth it to go.

I will post pictures at a later date. Until then, I'll treat you to some of the oh-so-important text messages that I sent while we were waiting for Obama's speech.

"Seriously?! Cheryl Crow?" - Me to Peter, who is at the DNC, too.
"I know! You having fun? Where are you sitting again?" -Peter
"Grand old time. We are in 513. We are so high that I am dizzy. Where you at?"
"229. Basically behind the stage. Can't see anything except the speakers. Oh well. You guys actually have a better view. Take some Dramamine. Haha."-Peter
"Suck! Wish I had some."

"I wish that I could say that I died without seeing Cheryl Crow live, but now I can't." -Me
"Eww!"-response from Sarah
"Sick!"-from Rita
"So wrong!"-Me
"That's what you get for being a Democrat."-Sarah
"Pfffft!"-Me

Dream Big

2008-08-27T20:32:00.002-06:00

My goal for tonight is to get to bed before 1:00 am. I'm shooting for 10:30...

Wish me luck.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

2008-08-27T17:02:00.006-06:00

Elijah has been going through the why? and how? stages lately. Usually, it's freaking annoying, even though I know it's a good stage of his development.

While I was watching the news yesterday he asked me who Barak Obama was. I told him that he is running for president, along with a man named John McCain, and that people will vote in November to decide who will be president. After asking me how people vote and hearing the explanation, he informed me that "when I vote, I'm going to vote for Obama."

Austin has also informed us that Obama is the president. Not Bush, Obama.

Happy Days Are Here Again

2008-08-25T17:21:00.022-06:00

Austin got sick last week and missed two days of school, poor thing. I got sick too, and felt pretty crappy for three days.

Let me just say, it has been brought to my attention that I "get sick a lot." Or, "always seem to be sick." It's true, I seem to get sick about every two or three months. I also get bad cramps every couple of months, am bedridden and miss certain functions.

The cramps I can't do anything about. Getting sick is due to stress and grief, which in turn, leads to lack of sleep. It's a fact that these things affect the immune system. So, if someone would like to give me a magic pill that would erase all of those factors that have been a part of my life for the last 2 1/2 years (the last year and half especially), then please do. Until that happens, I don't really care to hear about how often I am ill anymore, or have it be a topic of discussion. Thank you very much.

*************************************

After having a bummer of a week, here are two things that made my weekend amazing...

On Friday, I got credentials for Ryan and I to go see Barak Obama give his acceptance speech Thursday night at Invesco Field at Mile High in Denver. I haven't decided who I will be voting for yet (I am registered as an Independent voter), but I am so excited to see this historic event. Let's just hope there are no terrorists attacks because apparently, a lot of people have "heard from God" that going down there is a "bad idea." Huh?!

I finally got to see my friend Keri, better known as Iggy Poppins, kicking ass and taking names during her Roller Derby bout Saturday night. Ryan has said he would fall in love with me all over again if I got into Roller Derby. Not gonna happen...I bruise too easily and am seriously scared of breaking my frail little bones. So, I'll let Keri be the Roller Derby queen in our circle of friends. She's tougher than I am.

Finally

2008-08-22T15:54:00.018-06:00

Having my family here was amazing. It was busy...and crowded and tiring, but so worth it. Especially since the last time we all got together was on February 18, 2006...my wedding day.We didn't get a family picture of everyone (everyone being Mom, Dad, siblings, spouses, nieces and nephews) at the wedding. So it was great that we were able to get family portraits taken. Finally. I can't wait to see how they turn out.

My one regret about the week was that I wasn't able to spend as much time with everyone as I would have liked. On August 10th, Elijah was the ring bearer in a wedding for some friends of ours. It was beautiful and fun. He was a total rock star. But the next time that everyone is in town, I will be making sure that our schedules are clear. Time with my family is at a premium.
Honestly, I love hanging out with my family. We get along really well...no mean-spirited comments, no over the top sarcasm or huge arguments. It's a joy to be with everyone. Maybe it's because we only see each other every couple of years (kidding!) But I miss everyone. A lot.

Some highlights from our time together;

Family portraits with the amazing Sarah Boyd. It went really smoothly and the kids had a blast just running around

Family dinners together
The surprise birthday party we had for my brother-in-law Nick with friends
Uncle Ken playing with the kids and eating worms with them (sick!)

Watching the cousins play together

Apple pie and ice cream
The Lodge- 4500 sq. ft. with 5 bedrooms (4 king-size beds, 1 queen), all with adjoining private bathrooms, a private study with a fold-out couch, a not-so-private loft with great views and a fold-out couch, a bunk room that sleeps 9. Flat screen TV's and a 6ft screen with surround sound. A huge back deck that overlooks Fall River, which runs 15 ft away from the lodge. It's nice, it's new, it's clean. My kind of place
Auntie Diann getting S'mores fixings for the kids
Panning for gold at the Argo Mine

My Grandma coming up to the Lodge with us
Finding some time alone to (finally!) read Breaking Dawn
My mom, dad, and brother Tony for their generosity

Some not so fun things about the week;

Sharing a bed with Elijah for four nights in a row. Seriously, the kid does cartwheels in his sleep. He also talks and/or yells (don't worry, I've talked to the doctor about the talking and yelling-he's not worried)
My total lack of sleep because of the little monkey...waking up in the middle of the night with him draped over me 10 times in a night....SO not fun
Not making it up to Mt. Evans with everyone because I was so freaking tired
Ken, Lucas and my brother having headaches or nausea. I felt so bad for them
Saying goodbye

AAAARGH!

2008-08-20T14:37:00.001-06:00

I just finished my vacation post and it disappeared! Bloody hell!

Home Sweet Home....

2008-08-14T18:22:00.005-06:00

We're back from our vacation with my family. We got home last night.

It was a blast. I miss everyone already. I'm exhausted. The boys started school today. Did I mention I'm exhausted?

Will post details when I recover.

HA!

2008-08-14T18:16:00.003-06:00

I just read this in the September issue of Parenting magazine...

Husbands create seven extra hours of housework each week.

Somehow, this does not surprise me.

Thankful

2008-08-06T13:49:00.006-06:00

All of my family will be together for the first time in two and a half years today-Mom, Dad, Tammy, Ken, Benjamin, Kristen, Tony, Diann, Lucas, Alayna, Rita, Nick, Ryan, Austin, Elijah, and me.

It's a rare thing, and so much more meaningful now. The last few times we have gotten together, it's only been a fraction of the family-Mom, Dad, Tammy, Tony, Rita and me. We gathered to say good bye to a loving mother and grandma. To a beloved brother and uncle, and to a wonderful father and grandfather.

I'm thankful that we have this moment in time together. That it is a time of joy, not a time of grief and loss.

Gah

2008-08-03T17:06:00.000-06:00

Chuck E. Cheese is my personal hell.

Things Are About To Get Crazy Around Here

2008-08-02T17:42:00.004-06:00

I'm enjoying my last day of doing (almost) nothing. I haven't cooked today-thank God for cereal, Red Robin (only because I didn't have to prepare a meal, not because their food is fabulous), and for Ryan manning the grill for Boys Meat Night (sick).

The only thing that I have to do today is some laundry. I have been putting it off because it has been over 100 degrees here for the last couple of days, and I refuse to make our house any hotter than it already is by running the dryer. We don't have central air, but we have window units in the living room, our bedroom and the boys' room. Any steps I can take to keep the house cooler are worth it. The only thing this sweltering weather has been good for is the excuse to watch movies and read all day long.

Starting tomorrow things will be getting a little bit hectic. I'll be watching my niece and nephew for two days. We'll spend Tuesday shopping for school supplies because school starts the 13th. Freaking early, I know. All of my family (siblings, their spouses and offspring) will be coming into town on Wednesday, so we'll be heading to Fort Collins to stay at my parents house for a couple of days. I can't wait! Family pictures will be taken by the lovely Sarah Boyd on Thursday afternoon.

Elijah is going to be the ring bearer in a wedding in Golden, so we'll be going to the rehearsal Friday afternoon/evening. We'll then head back to the Fort and will hopefully make it to the drive-in on Saturday night. Ryan, Elijah and I will head to the wedding on Sunday and will stay in Golden that night, while Austin will be staying with the rest of my family.

On Monday we'll meet up with my family in Idaho Springs and will be spending two nights at the same lodge we stayed at in May with Ryan's family. Everyone goes home Wednesday, the 13th.

Austin and Elijah will be missing the first day of school. That's what happens when you make vacation plans before getting the school schedule for the following year. Oh, well.

I'm not sure how I feel about summer being over so soon. The fact that Elijah is going to preschool is starting to freak me out a little bit. Ok, a lot. I'm not ready for him to be such a big boy. Austin going into 3rd grade is kind of a hard thing to accept. He's still my baby in so many ways.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer.

Rocky Mountain High

2008-07-26T21:54:00.005-06:00

Earlier this week, we were blessed to be able to head up to Vail for two days to stay with Ryan's parents at the condo they go to every summer. Seriously, bliss. I love the mountains (that's part of the reason why it is so hard to live in Stinktown-it's too far away from the mountains).

Ryan and Austin went fishing, the boys went swimming with Grandma and Grandpa, there was tons of yummy food and wonderful company. Ryan and I even got away and proceeded to gorge ourselves on gourmet desserts. The highlight was the gondola ride up to the top of Vail Mountain.

I want to go back. It's too stinkin' hot down here.

FIGHT! FIGHT!

2008-07-24T22:41:00.011-06:00

I've been talking to the police a lot lately. And not because of the homicide in the apartment behind our house (if I hear one more person tell me that it could happen anywhere, I am going to scream).

No, I've been talking to them because I have been witness to not one, but two public fights in less than a week.

One was in a parking lot in Old Town Fort Collins last Saturday night. Quite the domestic dispute, it was.

Lover Girl and Lover Boy stop their car in the middle of the parking lot, start yelling and cursing at each other. Lover Boy walks away, and next thing I know as I am backing out of my spot, Lover Girl runs up and pushes Lover Boy. Bystander holds Lover Boy back as I debate whether or not I should call the cops. Reach the decision as I am driving out of the parking lot that, yes, I should call them. It's the right thing to do. See a patrol car less than two blocks away, waiting to get those crazy drunk drivers, just as I am getting ready to call the Fort Collins police (what are the chances of that?). Pull over, get out of my car and tell him what is going on in the parking lot down the street. See him race off and wish that I could see the results of that dispute.

The other fight was today in Fort Collins. Again. It was between two homeless guys on the corner of Rutgers and College Ave. as I was waiting for the light to turn.

Tall Guy and Short Smoking Guy. Yelling, pushing, and possible punches ensue as 5 other cars and I watch and wait for the light to change. Debate whether or not I should call the police, because you know, what if something bad happens because no one else calls? Call the police because that's the right thing to do.

But, man....how many more fights do I have to witness? What is that, three in the last three months?

Oh....My.....GOSH

2008-07-18T10:11:00.004-06:00

So, apparently there was a dead body found in an apartment one block from our house. ONE. It's basically in our backyard. Seriously. I can look out my kitchen window and see the apartment.

Did I mention that it's a possible homicide?

Last week we decided to have the house on the market by the end of the summer. We're talking September. Needless to say, this fuels that desire a hundredfold.

That's The Way That It Goes

2008-07-09T23:44:00.012-06:00

Well, my kids actually have a human for a mom now, and not some moaning, motionless creature lying on the bed who only emerges to slap some PB&J on a waffle, and then calls it lunch. Elijah has changed out of the pajamas that he had been wearing for two days straight today, and both of the boys have showered and brushed their teeth more than once. Fabulous!

I don't know why it is that I always become incapacitated when Ryan has to work ridiculous hours, but it pretty much happens every time. Sad, I know. Thanks to everyone who sympathized with me, called to check up on me, or just let me whine and moan about the amount of pain I was in.

On a side note, I was excited to write all about the Stampede and Poison before I was bedridden, but now I will just quickly sum it up...

Stampede=Vegetarian Hell (especially the sea of Turkey Legs)
Poison=Old guys who can still rock, even though Mr. Michaels is a huge cheese ball

Ryan and I had a blast singing along to Unskinny Bop, Talk Dirty To Me, Every Rose Has It's Thorn....but we're glad we didn't pay $32 per ticket to see the show.

Punch Me, Please

2008-07-08T13:38:00.007-06:00

I have been in bed for the last 36 hours with serious cramps. The kind that won't let me get out of bed for more than two minutes at a time before I double over in pain. The kind that no amount of Aleve, or some other comparable drug, will dull the pain...no matter how many of the damn pills I take. Someone coming and punching me in the face right now would feel better than this.

And the worst part about it?

I still have to try and take care of my kids. And listen to them argue and jump all over the furniture. And be that mom who yells from the other room, "KNOCK. IT. OFF!!" every 20 minutes.

It's been a great week. Hope yours is going better than mine.

Sad, Sad Song

2008-07-03T21:55:00.007-06:00

I will be seeing this band here on Saturday night for free...even though someone wishes he wasn't playing this show for various reasons (not that I blame him at all).
Sweeeeeet.

5 x 5

2008-06-26T22:57:00.005-06:00

It's that time again...

Five things that I am thankful for right now:
1. I have three boys who love me no matter what (even when I'm tired). They totally deserve a medal
2. My family-Mom, Dad, Tammy, Tony & Rita-they have been a huge support for me. Especially during these last two and a half years of change, stress, upheaval, and grief. I don't know what I would do without them
3. My close circle of friends...the SBC (you know who you are)
4. Melatonin-I got my first really good night of sleep in almost a month last night (and by really good, I mean more than 5 hours). Lesson learned, I won't wait three weeks to replenish my stash ever again
5. Pizza. Need I say more?

Five dreams I have at this moment in time:
1. That someday soon we will move from ghettoville into a house of our very own
2. Even better, that we move out of Stinktown
3. A week long vacation. All. By. Myself.
4. Having an organized home
5. World peace, of course

Five places I want to visit before I die:
1. Australia...this has and always will be my #1 dream vacation. I want to see the koalas with all my heart. Plus, I love Australian accents
2. New Zealand (again, the accents)
3. Sweden (I almost went to school there, but didn't because I didn't have the dolla bills)
4. France
5. Japan

Five favorite songs:
1. Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order. Seriously...my #1, all time favorite
2. Policy of Truth - Depeche Mode
3. Needle In the Hay - Elliott Smith
4. Steps and Numbers - The Appleseed Cast
5. Hope For Us - The Jealous Sound

Five things I would do if I won a Powerball jackpot (in no particular order):
1. Travel (see above)
2. Buy a house on Mountain Ave. in Fort Collins, and condos in Alaska, Hawaii, and Australia
3. Buy my family houses
4. Tithe serious amounts to various worthy causes
5. Volunteer with said worthy causes

Awesome.

Best Things About My Day

2008-06-24T20:49:00.005-06:00

Hearing Austin tell me that he loves me at least 15 times today.

Elijah saying, "Mommy, you're pretty like a princess."

Totally helped me get through my running-on-less-than-five-hours-of-sleep day.

*Photo by Sarah Boyd

What I Love About Summer

2008-06-23T00:46:00.002-06:00

I Wish....

2008-06-23T00:09:00.008-06:00

....they sold extra cheese packets.

I love the cheesy goodness, but I want more of it.

Seriously, why don't any of these companies do this? They would make bank.

People I Am Missing Right Now

2008-06-18T09:04:00.005-06:00

This Is A Hard One To Post

2008-06-17T10:01:00.005-06:00

On Tuesday, June 3, 2008 my Grandpa G*******passed away at Poudre Valley Hospital in Fort Collins. He was 81. On Monday, June 9, he was laid to rest in Alliance, Nebraska.

While the last two weeks of his life were heartbreaking to watch because he was in so much pain (even though he never admitted it), he passed away peacefully with his wife, kids and their spouses, some grandchildren (including me), and some great-grandchildren by his side.

I wish that I had the ability to write about just how amazing he was....I just can't put it into words right now...

He was greatly loved and will be greatly missed, but he is at peace now and I am so thankful for that.

When Your Soul Embarks

2008-06-02T20:45:00.003-06:00

This last week has been an emotional roller coaster. Full of stress, birthday celebrations, more stress, family gatherings, insomnia, hope and hopes dashed.

I'm drained, but I know that more is yet to come.

We are getting ready to say good bye to my Grandpa G*******. He's been in so much pain, it's time for him to finally be at peace.

This is so bittersweet, it hurts...

Don't Wake Me I Plan On Sleeping In

2008-05-28T00:22:00.003-06:00

Why, you ask? Because it was rainy and chilly out and I just had to have a cup of coffee at 3 pm. Now I'm pretty sure that I will be up until 3 am.

It was a darn good cup of coffee though. It was made even better by the fact that I got to share it with my Dad while we ate some apple cobbler with Austin.